Thursday, August 28, 2014

Not the best

I've always got this constant fear of not being the best. I've always wanted to be the best in everything. Though I feel that I can do it but it's obviously impossible.


When I was still in touch with academics (that was last year), I've always wanted to be the best in at least ONE subject... Possibly biology, Chinese or music. However, this never really happened. Progressively, though I improved, I was again still not the best. And so, I felt inferior to my peers and always vexed about how they did it. 

As time passed, I thought that I should have been happy I've done my personal best each time I improved. There's no need to have felt inferior. 

Violin / Music 

I've been studying the violin all my life, at least, since I was a 4-year old kid. As my passion for it only grew much later (sorry mum and dad), the desire to be the best became more apparent. Again, I looked to my peers who were doing so much better than me, and felt like I could never be like that. 

As I gained more experience in performing and watching performances, I realised that there was no such thing as "best" in the music scene. Everyone has their personal tastes in music, so not everyone will be pleased. I'd still do great with more hard work and build a personal voice. 


I want to be the best lover one could have. If they have an ex, I'd want to love better than their ex did.  

But I've learned that everyone loves differently, each person comes from different backgrounds with different personality. There's no such thing as the "best lover" since there's no yardstick to judge. I've learnt to just give love and (hopefully) receive the same. I've also learnt to forgo the past and his past, and really to start anew. 


This is actually a very large topic for me, I could go on forever. But in short, when I was young, I had no problem with how I looked. But progressively being in touch with magazines and *ehem* puberty, I lost my confidence and felt inferior to the others. I want to have the best looks, to have people going "wow!" when they see me. But that obviously never happened.

Therefore, I've learnt to accept my looks and flaws. Everyone is unique in their own ways, that's what makes each of us special. And also, there's never a "best looking" person in the world. Everyone has their own tastes in aesthetics. And so, there's really no need to fuss about this.


You know that girl whose name everyone knows in school? Ya, I was never THAT girl. That one girl who everyone talks to and is never alone but with great company. The "Miss Popularity". I craved so much to experience that in my life but it never really happened. 

I've learnt that popularity really isn't that big of a deal. I've come to appreciate having a few close friends whom I can talk to anytime and know that they are true to me and not just getting benefits off of my "reputation". No backstabbers, just simply great friends you can laugh with (and laugh at). 

To close off, know that the best of anything are not the same person. I'm not superhuman. There's always going to be someone better than me. I accept it and embrace it.

Keep musing,

No comments:

Post a Comment