Sunday, September 14, 2014

young & beautiful

I was in bus service no. 80 on the way back home. I was carrying loads of things so I decided to take the lower deck as opposed to the upper deck (which I always go to). When I sat down, I realised there was a lot of elderly people. However, there was this particular old man who was seated opposite me who caught my attention.

This old man was wearing a striped shirt, long grey pants, new balance sports shoes and a name tag around his neck. His face was wrinkled, his head filled with grey hair, mouth opened but not showing any teeth. As the bus was nearing Hougang area,  he was looking frantically out the window, as if he's lost. As I am a deeply empathetic person, this heavily affected me; my heart sank. It made me think how I would be like when I grow as old as this man... and questions just popped up in my mind.

What would I be left with when I grow old?

As we grow old, we lose things. These things could be of material, could be your values in life, the people around you, your family, your career, your agility and many more. What would I be losing, and with what that would be lost, what changes would it make in my life?

No longer young and beautiful?

It really scares me knowing how wrinkles will start creeping onto my face, how gravity would start pulling down my skin, no longer what people deem as "pretty". I will no longer be able to maintain this figure of mine. Knowing that these are inevitable, it really dawned upon me how fragile and short-lived "youth" actually is.

Will I still have my partner by my side?

I could never imagine a life without my partner. I'd never want to be lonely with no one to depend on and share my life with, both the ups and downs. How I wish we would grow old together, have our hands held together and have our love still burning.

Will I be able to remember my family?

The name tag around the old man's neck was really one that struck me. As I grow old, I'll slowly forget. I could not imagine how it would be like if I were to forget about my partner, or if he was to forget about me. What a terrible thing that would be... And what about my family or even myself? These creeping thoughts really scares me.

What will be awaiting?

Everyone's life ends with death, one that is inevitable and cruel. What illnesses will be awaiting or perhaps what incidents will be awaiting? Who will remember me, who will not? What's in the after life and will I be fearful about it?

Sorry if you found this post rather upsetting and negative, but I feel this is a rather important topic to talk about.

Keep musing.

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